bro: we gotta start making healthier choices bro
me: one step ahead of you bro
me:

*giving a tour of my house* this is the room where I jack off
I told God I wanted a bae by winter and here he goes fucking cancelling winter
Jesus: Table for 26 please.
Maître d’: but there are only 13 of you..
Jesus: yeah but we’re all gonna sit on the same side
